The Paternal Touch
by Billy Bob Grint
Summary: Hermione and Ron take his parents to meet hers at the Grangers' Muggle House. Arthur is incredibly enthusiastic about every imaginable inane thing in the house.


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"Mr. Weasley – _no!_"

The shout could not be heard over the loud murmuring of the lawn-mower in which Arthur Weasley had gotten the hems of his coat stuck. Arthur began to pull out the material hastily but the machine persisted in shredding its edges to pieces. It would have been a comical situation had Arthur's left sleeve not got caught in the engine as well.

Arthur Weasley, along with his wife Molly, youngest son Ron, and Ron's fiancée Hermione Granger, were making their way up to the home on the out-skirts of London's metro area that belonged to Hermione's Muggle parents. The four had just apparated to a small clearing a few hundred feet from Hermione's childhood home as they were to meet the Grangers for dinner - the first since Hermione and Ron had formally announced their engagement. Opting to wear Muggle clothes for the affair, Ron (with the aid of his best friend Harry Potter) wore a casual dark blue suit, matching the ankle-length dress Hermione had on. Molly wore what would have easily been passed for a witch's dress robes had it not been for the fact that she purchased them from a Muggle store with her daughter Ginny the week before.

Arthur, on the other hand, decided to dress himself for the dinner party. Ron was between laughing at his father and wanting to pass out, already wrecked with nerves over the thought of meeting his future in-laws. Hermione kept eyeing her future father-in-law's attire - that being a pair of black pin-striped trousers, a dark green dress shirt with a somewhat frilly collar, a brown smoking jacket under his long, tan trench coat, and of course, the matching accessories of chocolate-brown dragon-skinned boots and matching belt, which had a silver buckle so lustrous people from miles away were surely able to see it - with wariness. Molly insisted Arthur wear something a bit more conservative for when he met the Grangers, but as he pointed out that he was already well acquainted with Hermione's parents, he could go as casually as he pleased.

Molly was _not_ pleased by this assessment, to say the least.

The group now stood outside on the Grangers' front garden, where Arthur had decided, in a fit of ecstasy, to take a look at the lawn-mower standing outside of the garage. Molly admonished her husband immediately, telling him to stay away from the machinery and that they were already running late for dinner. Ron stood by Hermione, laughing all the while his fiancée was glaring at him, wordlessly telling him to do something about his father.

It was when Arthur decided to turn on the lawn-mower that Hermione took action.

She dashed over, as Molly and Ron stood back and stared in shock (and in Ron's case, suppressed mirth as well), to where Arthur started to push the buttons on the lawn-mower, and in an instant it began to move of its own accord. Somehow, Arthur's long trench coat had got caught in the wheels and made it completely under the machine, where the blades began to chop up the fabric. Hermione shouted at Arthur to stop, but he could not hear her over the roar of the engine. She almost tripped as she ran as a result of her pointed shoes not accommodating random sprints across grassy lands. Ron moved quickly to catch Hermione before she fell, for which she smiled in gratitude before standing up and, with a look around the neighbourhood, took out her wand stealthily and turned off the lawn-mower.

For some reason, this action seemed to put Arthur's spirits down.

"Oh Hermione, I was just looking at it, you didn't have to turn it off, dear," Arthur said as he pulled out his own wand, and without taking a chance to glance around his Muggle surroundings, fixed the torn cloth of his coat with a Repairing Charm.

"Yes, but Mr. Weasley, it was tearing your coat to pieces and -" Hermione was interrupted mid-sentence when the door opened suddenly and a man's deep voice called from behind them.

"What on earth is going - _Hermione!_" Dr. Granger made his way over to his only child, taking her in his arms as Hermione went to embrace him.

The Weasleys stood before the pair as they patiently waited for the two Grangers to part so everyone could be introduced. Hermione let go of her father, and in the middle of the garden only lit by the moonlight above and a few faint lights from the houses down the street, she motioned for the Weasleys to come join them.

Dr. Granger first shook Molly's hand graciously with a smile, and then, as he moved to the next person, felt as though his arm was about to be torn off as Arthur made his way to greet him. Hermione's father tried to smile but couldn't help the bemused look on his face, especially since Arthur kept eyeing the lamps illuminating the front door (no doubt, Arthur thought knowledgeably, lit up by eckeltricity), with a broad grin on his face. Ignoring this, Dr. Granger finally made his way over to Ron, who had turned a faint shade of green.

"Ronald, it's good to see you again," Dr. Granger held out his hand, a knowing smirk on his face. Ron nodded dumbly at the older man, shaking his hand a bit too vigorously before letting go abruptly, then giggling feebly as he tried and failed to smile at Dr. Granger.

With a pat on Ron's shoulder, Dr. Granger called out, "Well, shall we? Unless, of course, you want to eat dinner out here?"

Molly and Hermione noticed the humour in Dr. Granger's voice, but Arthur, who was trying to look beyond the half-opened front door, stated, "No, not at all! Let's get inside, shall we? It's a bit nippy out here as it is, don't you agree?"

Dr. Granger merely nodded, and after hearing a pained moan from Ron, he grinned broadly at Hermione, who was giving her a father a slight scowl. He then led the Weasleys into his home, which was probably one of the poorest choices he had made in his entire life.

About twenty minutes after dinner ended and the group of wizards found their apparation point back near the wooded area. Ron grimaced at his father, whose hair was still letting off puffs of green smoke. Arthur, who was grinning brightly at his son, gave Hermione a brief kiss on the cheek and a short hug to Ron before apparating back to the Burrow with an incredibly irate Molly.

With a final, resolute look at one another, Ron and Hermione apparated back to the flat Ron shared with Harry.

Moments later, Ron and Hermione landed in the living room of Harry and Ron's tiny two-bedroom flat in Diagon Alley. Ron bellowed Harry's name to see if he was home, and after not receiving a response by a minute's time, Ron safely assumed Harry was probably out with Ron's younger sister, Ginny. Hermione watched Ron from where she sat on the small couch in front of the fireplace, taking off her shoes and relaxing after what had been a very long evening.

Ron joined Hermione on the couch, moving his arm around her shoulders as she nestled against his side, sighing in what sounded like relief. They sat in contented silence for a few minutes, staring at the small fire Hermione started by magic before Ron broke the silence.

"Your parents hate me," Ron said in a low voice.

Hermione was grateful that he could only see the top of her head, as she was rolling her eyes at his comment. She waited for what was expected to be an especially exasperated rant, and was rewarded immediately when Ron heaved a deep breathe from his lungs.

"I can't believe Dad did that! He - he - I can't _believe_ it..." Ron started. Hermione giggled next to him and he frowned.

"Think this is funny, do you? My dad almost blew up your parents' home and you're laughing!" Ron stated indignantly.

Hermione nodded her head from where it was pillowed by Ron's arm. "Mum couldn't stop laughing," she started. "You should've seen it. I don't know if I've seen your mother so mad, though. I mean, all those summers at the Burrow and yelling at the twins, and that was still nothing near how red her face was tonight. A record, I imagine."

"You women!" Ron muttered. "The three of you were guffawing the entire time while I tried to put out the fire on Dad's head, and your father looked ready to murder me! He didn't want to harm Dad - he looked petrified of going near him - but your father was getting ready to kill me, I could see it in his eyes."

"Your father was a bit too enthusiastic about the appliances in the kitchen..." Hermione mused.

"A BIT? _A BIT?_ Dad tried to work out how all the plugs worked on the televisor -"

"- Television," Hermione corrected.

"- And I don't even understand how he managed to set it on fire," Ron went on as though uninterrupted. "The bloody thing wasn't even ON! - Er, was it?"

Hermione snorted. "No, it was definitely off. I imagine that him being so excited might have triggered some wand-less magic on his part. You know that usually happens during bouts of strong emotion."

"HE SET IT _ON FIRE_! He almost burned the entire parlour off... the curtains..." Ron moaned as he ran his free hand through his faintly singed hair. Somehow, while trying to put out the fire in the Grangers' home, a few of the flames found their way towards Ron, burning the collar of his jacket and the tips of his bright red locks before his mother conjured water from her wand and put it out.

"Mum said she was meaning to get new curtains anyway, and it's just a telly, they can always get a new one, honestly. Besides," Hermione said coyly, "she said it was one of the most entertaining evenings she's had in a very long time, so I think she likes you - and your parents. I know she got on very well with your mum, so that's something?" Ron grunted, affronted at the humour in her voice.

"Dad put those metal cans in the, er - box thing in the kitchen. The one that heated up on eckecltricity?" Ron mentioned in a confused voice.

Hermione winced at the memory. "Ah… the microwave… yes. That wasn't the wisest of moves, and I don't think we needed the police to show up because there were several fires being set up in my parents' home. Still, it was quite amusing."

"It was _NOT_ funny!" Ron almost shouted, sitting upright and unintentionally throwing Hermione off of him and against the couch. He turned around to look at Hermione, who couldn't suppress the giggles emitting from her.

"Daddy doesn't hate you. He's a bit scared of your dad but he doesn't hate any of you. Though, I imagine they're going to hide all the electronics next time they come over," Hermione pondered with a faint smile on her face.

"Oh, that's _really_ funny. I don't quite think your parents are really going to invite us over after this, now are they?" Ron asked with a raised eyebrow.

Hermione shrugged as she pulled at his arm, and he took the hint to sit back, pulling her close to him once again.

"I don't know. Other than nearly burning down the house, my father really did like your parents. He thought your dad was just a bit high-strung but otherwise very nice and funny," - at this Ron let off a sceptical scoff - "and he _loves_ you, Ron! Really! He couldn't imagine anyone better for me, so stop worrying. You have my parents' blessing," Hermione finished.

"I - I suppose. Well, at least they don't want to kill me. I sort of feel bad for Harry when he proposes to Ginny. We're going to be so horrible to him; he might just wet himself in fright. Evil Darklords? Nothing compared to seven grown, over-protective Weasley men. I almost feel bad for the poor bloke," Ron said, smirking down at Hermione, who rolled her eyes back at him.

"You know, I'm a bit surprised," Hermione said after a few minutes of silence.

"Why's that?"

Hermione grinned at Ron. "It really could've been a lot worse. This was actually quite lovely in comparison to what I imagined."

"Loads of faith in my family you've got there," Ron mumbled.

"Soon to be _my_ family." At Hermione's last words, Ron smiled down at her before leaning in for a kiss.

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End file.
